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Reclaiming Your Body After Sexual Trauma | Hey Tabi Podcast

• Tabitha • Season 1 • Episode 12

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Reconnecting with our bodies after sexual trauma can feel impossible, but embodiment practices offer a genuine pathway to healing. In this transformative episode, trauma therapist Tabitha Westbrook unpacks why sexual assault survivors often disconnect from their bodies and how this protective mechanism eventually hinders recovery.

The statistics are sobering—one in five women experience sexual assault, usually by someone they trust. This violation creates a complex web of shame, self-blame, and confusion that leaves many survivors feeling at war with their own bodies. Tabitha compassionately explains how abusers—particularly those in positions of trust or spiritual authority—manipulate victims into believing they're responsible for their own abuse, further driving the wedge between survivors and their physical selves.

Drawing from both clinical expertise and personal experience, Tabitha guides listeners through accessible embodiment practices that can transform healing journeys. From grounding exercises that visualize being "rooted like a tree" to compassionate self-touch techniques and mindful movement, she offers practical tools for reconnection. These practices help survivors reclaim what was stolen: their sense of safety, autonomy, and bodily connection.

What makes this episode particularly powerful is Tabitha's honesty about the challenges of embodiment work. She acknowledges that memories or uncomfortable feelings may arise during practice—not as setbacks but as necessary steps in processing trauma. Her message that "progress, not perfection" matters resonates deeply for anyone who has struggled with trauma's physical aftermath.

Whether you're a survivor seeking healing or someone supporting a loved one through recovery, this episode provides both validation and practical wisdom. Join Tabitha's community by subscribing to the podcast and pre-ordering her forthcoming book "Body and Soul, Healed and Whole," available April 2025. Virtual healing groups are forming now—visit tabithawestbrook.com to learn how you can participate in this transformative work of reclaiming your relationship with your body.

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TabItha Westbrook:

Welcome to hey Tabi, the podcast where we talk about the hard things out loud, with our actual lips. We'll cover all kinds of topics across the mental health spectrum, including how it intersects with the Christian faith. Nothing is off limits here and we are not. Take two verses and call me in the morning. I'm Tabitha Westbrook and I'm a licensed trauma therapist, but I'm not your trauma therapist. I'm an expert in domestic abuse and coercive control and how complex trauma impacts our health and well-being. Our focus here is knowledge and healing. Trauma doesn't have to eat your lunch forever. There is hope. Now let's get going. Hey there, welcome to this week's episode of Hey Tabi.

TabItha Westbrook:

Embodiment is the key to healing from sexual trauma and I am going to share with you exactly how to transform your journey through embodiment. Did you know that one in five women experience sexual assault, often by someone that they trust? Have you ever felt completely disconnected from your body after trauma and find yourself wondering if it's even possible to ever feel safe again or even to feel whole again? Honestly, today we're actually going to talk about that. We're going to talk about how you can reconnect with yourself and reclaim your life. This is something that I hear in my practice all the time. It's something I experienced after experiencing sexual trauma and I really want to share the path back to embodiment with you. Embodiment is a really powerful concept. It is being truly present and connected to your body. It is super important because our bodies tell us so very much. Our bodies, like I've said a million times before, keep the score. But when we are harmed, particularly when there's physical harm like sexual assault or sexual abuse, we end up disconnecting because that's what we need for safety in that moment. But as we're trying to heal, once we are out of that traumatic experience, we need to reconnect because our bodies are going to help us process through things and help us really do that deep work of recovery. So while it was a skill to help us stay safe, it ends up being a little bit of a liability to stay disembodied after we are out of a situation when we are wanting to heal.

TabItha Westbrook:

Sexual trauma in particular really deeply affects the women that it happens to. It affects men as well, but today I'm going to talk more about women. So we'll do another podcast at some point on men, because there are a lot of similarities there, but today I want to speak to women. So if you are a man listening and you are resonating with this, that would make a lot of sense as well. So please know that this can apply across. I'm just going to talk to the ladies today.

TabItha Westbrook:

Sexual trauma really often results in shame, self-blame and confusion, as well as isolation and disconnecting from our bodies. So a lot of times when we have experienced sexual trauma, we blame ourselves, and that doesn't matter whether that sexual trauma happened in childhood or if it happened as a teen or as it happened as an adult or in your marriage. Shame is the result. How could this happen to me? I should have known All those kinds of things that enter then into that self-blame state of well. I shouldn't have been here or there or worn this or that or said yes or married this individual.

TabItha Westbrook:

Frankly, if it happened in your marriage and that serves to then set us up as the bad guy, when in reality, the person who harmed us is the bad guy, and they are usually really adept, especially in abusive situation, to make it feel like it was you. As I already mentioned, oftentimes a sexual assault or sexual abuse is done by somebody that you know, so it could be a family member, someone you thought was a friend, a pastor, there is a whole thing called clergy sexual abuse, which can happen whether you are a child or an adult, because there's a power differential and oftentimes the people that are abusing you are grooming you well beforehand. So every sexual abuse experience I have heard about in therapy with the people that I work with, it was someone that was known to them, that they trusted, and that individual had built trust over time, making them feel special and cared for and loved and in need. That this individual really truly needed met and that gave the abuser an indoor. Think about the best used car salesman you've ever seen. You walk away thinking I need this car. It could have like a missing wheel and no engine and you'd have to push it, but if they're really good, you're going to be like you know that sounds super reasonable. I will get my exercise in. I can totally push this car, it's going to be just fine, and they are really good at making things that like when you are able to step back from it, go oh.

TabItha Westbrook:

Maybe that isn't so plausible, but in the moment they are finding what speaks to you and that's the essence of being groomed. It's basically a setup and they're going to start pushing boundaries and if you're a little kid when this happens, you wouldn't know. You wouldn't know what the boundaries even should be, because you're a kid. But they're going to start pushing boundaries and then they're going to see what they can get away with. So, for the example of adult clergy sexual abuse, oh, you're really special. I feel like you have a calling on your life from God. You know, let's have a meeting about this and you're having closed-door meetings which is fine because pastors shouldn't be predators but then in that closed-door meeting they touch an arm and then they rub the arm and then they touch something else and the next thing, you know you've been sexually assaulted and they are going to convince you through manipulation that that's what you wanted and that it's your fault. And that makes you think I was complicit, even though you are not, even though you are not.

TabItha Westbrook:

Anytime there's a power differential, it is likely sexual abuse. It is very rare that I see what is termed an inappropriate relationship between someone with a lower power and someone with a higher power where the person with the lower power really truly consented. Not only that, but when there is spiritual abuse involved, you disconnect from God or you feel like that person speaks for God. When you think that God feels this way about you, it is incredibly difficult to stay connected to your bodies because there's all of this mix of shame and blame and discomfort and confusion and then you're like this is God, and that can even be more confusing for people and continues to just shatter that sense of self and sexuality and eventually you just don't know which way is up.

TabItha Westbrook:

A lot of times, when survivors get out of these abusive situations, they find themselves feeling self-content and they feel like their bodies are the enemies rather than a trusted ally. They've felt like their body's betrayed them in a lot of ways. They may be dealing with health issues, because chronic trauma will do that to you, and so there's just a ton of confusion and it's easier sometimes to just say I don't want to talk about this, I don't want to talk to this body, I want to be far from this body, I hate this body. It can feel dangerous honestly, because, especially if you were spiritually abused in the process and told that you were maybe a woman full of lust and that you need someone to handle your lust for you, which is utterly ridiculous actually you might be afraid to even reconnect because, oh, if I am this woman of lust, then what am I going to do? What might I be at risk for? Am I just going to be a Jezebel walking around? Honestly, the way that the term Jezebel is misused in a spiritual abuse sense is stunning to me, but it happens often.

TabItha Westbrook:

So, as we are going through healing, we have to really enter back into a friendship with our bodies, and that is going to be a slow go, especially if you had a lot of traumatic experiences, and that's okay. So, as you're walking through this, I like to say a lot progress, not perfection, because that is such an important piece. Again, it can be so incredibly tricky for us, and so we start to enter in, and then we feel like we take one step forward and sometimes 85 steps back, but that's the nature of healing. Sometimes we truly have to just try something out and lean into something, and it's going to feel scary, and so maybe we back up for a minute, and then we press in again and we go oh my gosh, maybe we back up another minute. Back up for a minute, and then we press in again and we go oh my gosh, maybe we back up another minute. And eventually, though, when you look back over the course of, let's say, a year, you're going to be so much further than you were. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. So even trying something out, even if it's not successful the first time, that is the beginning, in some ways, of your journey. I mean, just listening to this podcast might be the beginning of your journey. I really would like you to celebrate that and go okay, like I took the risk to listen to this. I took the risk to take a step forward and to try something. That felt a little bit scary, but maybe it was really good.

TabItha Westbrook:

One of the first ways to reconnect to your body is grounding exercises. Really reconnecting with the present moment helps us get into our bodies. Connecting to the present moment being where you are not thinking about what you need from the grocery store while you're doing it, not thinking about what the kids need or what you need or whether or not you should paint your nails pink or whatever you might distract yourself with. It's just being present, and a grounding exercise helps you just be in the moment. So it's a little bit of what we would call participation mindfulness, because you're actively doing something and participating in your body. This also helps you notice your body in what feels like a safe and controlled way. Especially if you've never taken the time to really notice your body, it may feel very, very dysregulating the first few times you do that, and when I say the term dysregulating I mean it makes you feel all the feels and sort of freaks you out, and so if you're like there's a lot going on in here and I feel all jumbled up and it's the first time you've tried to connect with your body, that's really normal.

TabItha Westbrook:

You may have memories of things that have occurred. I also want to normalize that, and if those memories are really distressing, that would be a wonderful opportunity to talk to a very good trauma therapist or a really close friend that you trust that can handle that information. So when we talk about grounding, one of the things I often invite clients to do when I'm teaching them is to unpretzel your body, and what that means is you just basically unfold all the things that are folded up. So if your legs are crossed, your arms are crossed, you're in the fetal position open up and put your feet on the floor. If you have a disability that prevents you from doing that, you want to just be as unfolded as possible. So if you can't put your feet on the floor, or perhaps you have an amputation and you don't have a limb, put whatever you're able to on the most solid surface as unfolded as possible, you can adapt this whatever your abilities are.

TabItha Westbrook:

So when you're in that, you want to imagine yourself as a tree and I know that this can be tricky if you have had some influence in your life that maybe vilified trees. But this really is coming from scripture, it comes from the book of Joshua and it comes from Psalms, where we are talked about as being trees planted by living water, that no matter what comes whether it's storm, whether it's heat, whether it's drought that we are safe because our roots run deep and they are tapping into the living water. So one of the things I often have people do is visualize that they are like a tree. You can either visualize yourself as a tree or visualize yourself strong like a tree whatever really works for your mind and imagine yourself planted by a deep source of nourishment that living water. So if you're imagining yourself as a tree, then you are visualizing that you are planted deep by a wonderful stream that never runs dry and always has enough water for you.

TabItha Westbrook:

And even if a storm comes which you can imagine a storm coming in with wind and lightning and thunder you stand strong and your roots go deep so you can't tip over in that wind. You stand strong and your roots go deep so you can't tip over in that wind. You can imagine a super hot day where it seems like everything is parched and there's a drought and the earth itself is cracked, but your roots go deep down to that creek that's running beside you and so you're getting water and you're being able to stay green and strong and tall. And you imagine that and you feel it in your body and you feel that sense of rootedness. You notice a sense of calm, even when things feel a little bit wild around you, and you imagine just feeling rooted in knowing that your roots go down deep into the earth to touch that water and you're immovable. If you've been listening to this and imagining that, good job, that's wonderful to touch that water and you're immovable. If you've been listening to this and imagining that, good job, that's wonderful. And I want you just to take a deep breath, letting it out with a sigh, and just notice if your body relaxed a little bit.

TabItha Westbrook:

If this is new to you and you have never done anything like this before, you might think, oh gosh, that felt a little weird. That's okay, you can try it again, see if it fits. This doesn't fit for everyone, so we want to do a number of things over time that we find that work for us, because, again, everyone is different and you want to do what truly works for you and your body will tell you. Sometimes it feels a little uncomfortable and then we practice and it feels better. Sometimes we just don't vibe with it and that's okay. I'm not going to do push-ups on the floor, that would not vibe with me.

TabItha Westbrook:

Another thing that we can do to get back into our bodies is compassionate self-touch, and I know that might sound absolutely crazy to you, but there are some things that can really really help us and help us orient to just knowing that we are in our bodies. One of the things that I do sometimes is just rub my hands or my arms and, gently, if it feels better to you to maybe get a lotion that you really love, that you love the smell of, and put that on, because that makes it feel a little bit safer for you, then by all means do that. But sometimes I will just stroke my arms or even do a technique that is called havening I do talk about this in my book Body and Soul, healed and Whole, where you just start with the tips of your fingers at the top of your hairline and stroke down your face, and that is meant to be relaxing and help you know that touch is safe. And even as I'm doing that right now if you're watching by video you can see me doing it my body is starting to relax and I'm feeling much more relaxed. Now you may start that and it may feel dysregulating to you because maybe your body says, oh, I'm not used to safe touch, I don't know what to do with that. And again, this is where talking with a friend, continuing to try it if you're okay with that or talking to a therapist, can be incredibly helpful for you.

TabItha Westbrook:

Sometimes, again, because our bodies get harmed so deeply in sexual assault that it will bring up memories or feelings and that can be very uncomfortable. I want to encourage you that it is our bodies trying to process through what happened to us. It's not a bad thing when we feel activation. Some people will call it a trigger. It is just information and it's our body trying to say yes, we are ready to deal with this. We need to work through it, and sometimes that does take a therapist, if we've had a lot of things go on or the harm was bad, or we're just needing somebody to walk with us in it.

TabItha Westbrook:

Another way that we can get back into our body is mindful movement. One of my favorites is hiking, and you don't have to be fast, you don't have to climb mountains and I'm not a mountain climber but you can walk with mindful purpose and really that just means you notice where you're at. If you're doing mindful movement, like a mindful hike, you're noticing. This is what it feels like for my feet to be on the ground, this is what I'm smelling in the air. This is what I'm smelling in the air. This is what I'm seeing through my eyes, this is what the trees are looking like and how the sun or wind or cloudy weather feels on my skin. You're really just taking the time to be where you are and to notice. To notice what it's like for you and to be where you are.

TabItha Westbrook:

And dissociation, which is when we check out and we're not really with ourselves. Dissociation, which is when we check out and we're not really with ourselves, happens to literally everyone, not just trauma survivors. Lots of folks dissociate because we're thinking about a million things and we just check out. We want to give our bodies the intentional association versus dissociation so that we can be present with ourselves and get back into our bodies. These really help you begin to reclaim your body. When you've been sexually assaulted, stuff has been stolen from you. It could have been your innocence, your safety, your sense of autonomy all of those things. And reclaiming our bodies really helps us undo and heal from. Reclaiming our bodies helps us heal from what was taken from us. We can never undo what happened, but we can absolutely heal. Without question. This also helps us regain an internal sense of safety. Safety is one of the biggest things stolen in sexual assault. Honestly, you can't not live in a world, then, where that doesn't happen in your mind, right, you can't forget about it, but it can definitely not own you and you can really be more present to your own life instead of life happening to you.

TabItha Westbrook:

I know for me, my body has been a bit of a landmine and if you read the book, you will understand a bit more of that. It has been very much vilified by very many people, and there was a time I absolutely hated this body. I can't say that I have perfect days all the time. I don't. Some days are still really hard, where I'm like man, I wish my body would do this better, or I wish this didn't hurt, or what have you, because trauma has done some things to my body that makes it a little bit hard. Sometimes I have some joint pain, and things like that are definitely results of things I have been through. However, this body also takes me to lots of places. This body has helped me climb mountains. Now, look, I have not done Everest, we are not doing that but I have climbed mountains. I have made it to the top of mountains. Now, was I hanging off of rocks like free solo or something? No, I was not. That's not me, but I was able to walk up there and I was able to honor my body. That she got me up there, that God gave me a body that can do that, and it was pretty amazing. It also quiets the voice of trauma and if you suffer with chronic pain because of things that happened to you, no, this will not undo it.

TabItha Westbrook:

However, we can honor our bodies and what they are trying to do and we can move them and work with them within the limits that they've got. And I'll tell you a secret no matter who you are, even the most elite athlete, there is a limit. Everybody's limits are different because we're all different people. If your limits aren't what you want them to be because someone harmed you, I get it. We can honor what our bodies can do and we can take good care of them to the best of our ability and get them good care and give them good care ourselves to the best of our ability. Again, I know everybody's got different abilities to do things, but we can honor that. So if your body is able to be here, listening or watching, then I'm so glad.

TabItha Westbrook:

Sometimes we do have to look for the gift, because sometimes it just doesn't feel super gifty, but there are gifts there. I would encourage you that, as you are learning to get back into your body or deepen your connection with your body, that you look for active ways to be appreciative and even when I'm really hurting and some days that really does happen I say thank you for telling me that things have been hard and I don't always feel like it. Sometimes I really do have to kind of be like I really just need to do this because it's right, not because I'm super excited about it. But I will thank my body for telling me hey, you've been through some stuff. And if my body is saying, look, today is a day you must rest, then I honor that, even though it's hard. I am definitely a go go, go, go go person but I do try to honor when my body says you really have got to have rest. Tab, you got to have rest. And that's a learned thing. And honoring my body.

TabItha Westbrook:

I used to vilify that, to say, oh, that's not something that I should do. I should pour myself out to the last drop and look, man, unless I'm filled, I've got nothing to pour out. Even Jesus rested. He said that the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. Which means we were given a day of rest because Jesus knew that we needed it. God knew that we needed care and kindness to our bodies. So you are not out of line to give yourself that goodness and I want to encourage that. I think sometimes, especially if we've also had spiritual abuse in our story, we think I'm not allowed because God would be bad, and I would encourage you to actually read the Bible and see where God gave his people rest. He gave himself rest On the seventh day. He rested Not really because he needed to rest, but I believe that he was modeling it for us. He was giving us such a good gift to say, like I'm going to do this and so can you.

TabItha Westbrook:

Embodied practices help us reconnect and really provide a way for our bodies to digest and process through the trauma that we've experienced. It helps us reduce self-contempt, although sometimes at the beginning it feels like you can't even do that. But the more that you practice, the more you become proficient. And again, practice, not perfection, right. We're all gonna have bad days and hard days, and that's okay. The more that we practice it, the more that we will give ourselves compassion and, honestly, it truly is kindness that leads to change. So if there's something that I do need to shift, then this opens the door for me to do that.

TabItha Westbrook:

So, as we end here, I want to invite you to share your experiences. So, whether that is shooting me a note on a podcast platform or commenting if you watch the YouTube video, tell me what it's like for you to try to be embodied. I would love to know. Make sure that you subscribe, hit the like button or follow. If you enjoyed this, please rate it and do that on any of the platforms you listen. It really helps those platforms. Tell other people about it. Please share this. If there is somebody out there that you know that it would help. I want to encourage you on your own journey to healing and wholeness, on your own journey to healing and wholeness. It might be really tough to try embodied practices to start, but it is so worth keeping at it, it is so worth reconnecting with your body, it is so worth really pressing into that, because that is one of our pathways to healing from sexual harm.

TabItha Westbrook:

If you want to know more about Body and Soul, healed and Whole, the information is in the description. It will be out April 1st. So if you're listening to this before April 1st of 2025, you can pre-order it at any of your favorite booksellers. If you're listening to it after, you can order it. We also have a corresponding workbook.

TabItha Westbrook:

If you want to go deeper or if you are interested in being part of a group, then feel free to sign up at tabithawestbrook. com for group interest. There will be a form on the site there for you. They will be virtual groups so you can be anywhere on God's actual earth, and we would love to have you so that we can help you heal from a shattered sexuality. We would love to have you so that we can help you heal from a shattered sexuality. Thanks again for joining me today and I look forward to seeing you next time on the next episode of hey Tabi.

TabItha Westbrook:

Thanks for joining me for today's episode of hey Tabi. If you're looking for a resource that I mentioned in the show and you want to check out the show notes, head on over to tabithawestbrook. com forward slash Hey Tabi. That's H-E-Y-T-A-B-I and you can grab it there. I look forward to seeing you next time.

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